Dec 21 2012

Hordes of Humping Zombies in ‘Mourning Wood’

by Stacey Longo

Mourning Wood (2010) is the story of four friends living in a town that becomes overrun by a new breed of zombies. It seems that Dr. Jacob Pendleton has gone missing while filming an infomercial for ShamPube, the very same product that has been tainted, producing hordes of horny, humping zombies (“humpers”). Pendleton has a shady past himself, having betrayed the team of Texas Jim Callahan and John Wood years ago, which resulted in John going missing and leaving Texas Jim – you guessed it – mourning Wood.

The film quickly reveals itself to be a hot mess of puns, adolescent jokes, and ridiculous plot twists. Not that this is a bad thing – from the newsman named Dennis Douche (pronounced Doo-shay, of course) to the amazing transformation of Rick to a super-zombie due to the high levels of THC in his system, this movie feels like four guys having fun and not taking themselves too seriously. From naming the hideous Sasquatch character “Fluffy” to the snippet in which we follow Dr. Pendelton in his search for the secret ingredient in Stiff Again, the mikakes sohard bush, this movie is full of gags aplenty. It’s neither high quality nor highbrow, but there are many, many scenes in which you’ll find yourself laughing out loud. And all cheap jokes and puns aside, the opening Claymation sequence is pretty fabulous.

If you are expecting Academy Award level acting and plotlines here, perhaps you shouldn’t have rented a movie titled Mourning Wood. But if the title of this fine film makes you suppress a snort of laughter, you won’t be disappointed.

Sep 24 2012

‘Terror and Cheap Thrills’ in New Movie ‘Barricade’

by Stacey Longo

Barricade (2012), the latest offering from WWE Studios, stars Eric McCormack (Will & Grace) as Terrence Shade, a recent widower who finds himself struggling to bond with his two children after her death. He takes the kids to a mountain cabin to experience a white Christmas, but what waits for them there is less ho-ho-ho and more ho-ho-horror.

After a cozy evening by the fire followed by a snowball fight in the morning, the Shades soon realize that something’s not quite right. All three of them are sick, but Terrence is unable to drive them all in to town for help, as their vehicle has been buried in snow by a blizzard. Terrence, his daughter and son are forced to hole up in the gloomy cabin, where nothing is as it seems. Terror and cheap thrills ensue.

This straight-to-video fright fest wasn’t bad for what can only be classified as ‘B’ horror. The creepy music plays up to sudden “gotcha!” moments, and a few times, I laughed at myself for jumping. I did find some of the apparent inconsistencies frustrating, but as the movie developed a Jacob’s Ladder feel, I realized that what I’d originally thought were consistency errors were in fact deliberate clues that helped play out the storyline. Once I accepted that not everything I was seeing was as it really happened, I was able to relax my OCD tendencies and enjoy the film more.

The role of concerned father trying to protect his kids is a stretch for McCormack, who is better known for comedic roles. He did fine, and I could feel his frustration at not being able to help his terrified and sick daughter and son. The children, played by Conner Dwelly (Passengers) and Ryan Grantham (Diary of a Wimpy Kid) were predictable as a preteen girl and younger brother, respectively, varying from irritating each other to providing sibling support.

Barricade, overall, isn’t going to win any Academy Awards, but it kept me interested. Definitely worth the buck at Redbox.

Barricade (2012), directed by Andrew Currie, is available on DVD on Sept. 25. It’s PG-13 and runs 82 minutes.

Aug 11 2012

The newest ‘Bourne’ tarnishes the legacy of the series

by Jason Harris

Since Matt Damon didn’t want to come back to the series without director Paul Greengrass, who directed the last two Bourne movies, Universal went ahead with continuing this lucrative series with a new character, Aaron Cross.

The “legacy” part of The Bourne Legacy title does work since the character of Cross, portrayed by Jeremy Renner (The Avengers), is in a similar program like Bourne was and the government is trying to kill him. And since Bourne is mentioned by people and news casts, along with his name carved into a piece of wood, Universal feels justified using the Bourne name in the title.

Cross is introduced at a training site in Alaska. It turns out he’s being punished for asking too many questions. Cross is more talkative than Damon’s Jason Bourne. This is shown when he is speaking to another agent who is more like Bourne in the talking department.

Cross is an Outcome agent. Outcome is a different training program then the one Bourne went through. The Outcome program uses blue and green pills to sustain its agents’ mental and physical capabilities. This is what drives the story since Cross needs to get his hands on these “chems” so he can outwit the government and survive.

Director Tony Gilroy has a feel for this series, since he had a hand in writing the screenplays for the entire series. He even added layers to the Treadstone and Blackbriar programs and created new ones.

The movie is peppered with action, but it doesn’t live up to the previous movies. With that said, it would be interesting to see Bourne and Cross team up in a future movie. That would be a legacy worth seeing.

Two and a half stars out of four.

Aug 10 2012

‘Ruby Sparks’ is Funny and Romantic

by Jason Harris

Ruby Sparks is a story about a writer and his relationship with his creation.

Paul Dano’s Calvin is a New York Times bestselling author who is suffering from writer’s block. Calvin is first seen in front of his typewriter not typing when his phone rings. From the look on his face, he welcomes the distraction. Later on, he blames his dog for his writing woes.

His writing problems have him going to a psychologist, portrayed by Elliot Gould, who suggests he write about his dog, Scotty, named for F. Scott Fitzgerald.

He finally becomes inspired to write from his continuous dreams about a girl, Ruby Sparks, portrayed by the movie’s screenwriter, Zoe Kazan. He writes about her instead of his dog.

The movie starts off slow, but picks up speed once Calvin starts talking about Ruby to Gould’s Dr. Rosenthal. It becomes more interesting and the dialogue is quick and funny. Ruby becomes alive, but is it only in Calvin’s mind? When Ruby is first seen making Calvin breakfast, the audience doesn’t know if she is a real person or just a figment of Calvin’s imagination. The way he’s acting, it is easy to think he’s going nuts. It’s not shown until other characters interact with her. Then it becomes real to Calvin and to the audience at the same time that Ruby Sparks is a real person.

Ruby just appears. There is no use of a time machine, spell, or prayer plot device used to explain how she came to be. The only thing that is shown is when Calvin types in his manuscript that Ruby speaks French; she does. It is easy to suspend disbelief. So it isn’t hard to think that when she magically appeared, she had a history, an apartment, and any other possession that a person has if they have been alive their entire life.

Calvin now has a girlfriend. He’s happy, but not for long when his creation starts getting a mind of her own. She starts spending time with her friends. This makes him pull out his manuscript where he writes that she is miserable without him. This makes her so clingy that she doesn’t leave his side. This makes for some funny scenes from him buying movie tickets to them sitting on the couch, always with him with one arm around her. There is no personal space between them.

Before the end of the movie, Calvin comes back to his manuscript numerous times, learns some valuable relationship lessons, and writes another book. Overall, the movie is funny, entertaining, and very romantic.

This movie was directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, who brought audiences the hit Little Miss Sunshine. The movie also stars Annette Bening and Antonio Banderas.

Three out of four stars.

Jul 20 2012

‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Review

The Opposite Sexes Rise Up to Review the Newest Batman Movie

by Jason Harris and Stacey Longo

The Dark Knight Rises movie poster. (courtesy of Warner Bros.)

HE SAID: The Dark Knight Rises does not advance Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise. It’s the weakest of the three movies. In his defense, it’s hard to outdo yourself when your last endeavor included Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker.

The movie starts eight years after The Dark Knight with a memorial for Harvey Dent in front of Wayne Manor. Batman hasn’t been seen since the fateful night of Dent’s death and Bruce Wayne has become a recluse with a limp.

Director Christopher Nolan portrays main villain, Bane, with the right respect, unlike Bane’s portrayal in Batman & Robin. This is the character that in Batman: Knightfall, the serial that ran in 1993, orchestrated the assault on Batman, then broke his back.

Nolan chose Tom Hardy (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) to play the ex-communicated member of the League of Shadows, the organization created by Ra’s Al Ghul. Hardy was superb as Bane. He was the right size and had the right muscle mass. The only problem is you can’t understand him 90 percent of the time. Since Nolan and his brother Jonathan wrote the screenplay, you would think they would want their words heard and understood by the audience.

Anne Hathaway (Alice in Wonderland) dons the mask and claws of Catwoman in Nolan’s franchise. Her portrayal is right up their with Michelle Pfeiffer’s performance in Batman Returns. Nolan captures the character quite well. There should have been more of Catwoman, though.

L-r: Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox and Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne in Warner Bros. Pictures’ and Legendary Pictures’ action thriller The Dark Knight Rises. (courtesy of Warner Bros.)

Nolan’s script abounds with in-jokes such as when Morgan Freeman’s Lucius Fox shows Bruce “the Bat” and he tells him it does come in black. This is in reference to the scene in Batman Begins where Bruce asks Fox if “the tumbler” comes in black. It also brings the franchise full circle by mentioning Ra’s Al Ghul, who was the villain in Batman Begins. Nolan also shows scenes from the first two movies to show how his trilogy is connected. It’s just too bad the movie couldn’t have had a better connection to the greatest of the previous two movies.

SHE SAID: The Dark Knight Rises clearly draws from the very first scene of the first movie, in which Thomas Wayne asks “And why do we fall, Bruce? … So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” Everything takes a tumble in this film – Commissioner Gordon’s reputation falls, Bruce Wayne has a spiritual fall, and the city of Gotham itself is set up for a fall. What’s a dark knight to do? Get up and save the day, of course. The problem is that all of these redemptions take waaaaay too long.

This movie spends too much time cutting between the looming threat of Gotham’s destruction and Bruce Wayne’s climb out of the depths of darkness, only to emerge a better man (with a hot new girlfriend in a catsuit to boot.) Anne Hathaway makes the Catwoman character all her own, and I have to agree with Jason that she could’ve used more screen time. Michael Caine (Inception) is still formidable as Alfred, but his presence is sorely missed for a good chunk of the movie. Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption) and Gary Oldman (Bram Stoker’s Dracula) are also still fantastic as Lucius Fox and Commissioner Jim Gordon, respectively. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is introduced as John Blake, a troubled cop who wants to do the right thing. While his performance is fine, it’s not difficult to figure out where he fits in with the Batman legacy.

L-r: Tom Hardy as Bane and Christian Bale as Batman. (courtesy of Warner Bros.)

It would be hard for any D.C. Comics villain to follow in the footsteps of the late Heath Ledger’s delectable Joker, so don’t hold it against Tom Hardy that his Bane falls short. This baddie goes from terrifying to tepid in an instant once his full backstory is revealed; plus, it doesn’t help that his face gear makes him practically unintelligible. However, if it’s hand-to-hand combat and things blowing up that makes a movie great for you, this one has plenty.

Jason and I concur: three out of four stars.

Jul 6 2012

‘Savages’ is Intense and Entertaining

by Jason Harris

Three-time Oscar-winning filmmaker Oliver Stone is back with a new thriller, Savages, which is reminiscent of one of his previous hits, Natural Born Killers.

Savages starts off with a voiceover by Blake Lively (Green Lantern), who portrays Ophelia, but has shorten it to “O” for a number of reasons. She states that she may or may not be alive by the end of her story, which was is a device used in American Beauty (1999). Except in that movie, the character of Lester tells the audience he’s already died.

O introduces Chon and Ben who are in the drug business. Ben, portrayed by Aaron Johnson (Kick-Ass), is the brains behind their superior marijuana and Chon portrayed by Taylor Kitsch (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) is the muscle that deals with problems that arise. Since he is an ex-Navy Seal and ex-mercenary, this makes him well equip to deal with these problems that make-up about one percent of their business. The other 99 percent is violence-free.

Chon, O and Ben live an idyllic life in Laguna Beach in a scene from Savages. Picture courtesy of Universal Pictures.

O, Chon and Ben make-up a post-modern family except in this family O is the girlfriend for both men. O states the men together make-up the perfect guy. The men have no problems sharing her. There is great chemistry between these three actors, which keeps you hoping that they are all alive at the end of the movie.

Their lives become endangered when their operation comes to the attention of the Mexican Baja Cartel, headed by the ruthless Elena “La Reina” portrayed by Salma Hayek (From Dusk Till Dawn). The cartel wants to form a partnership with Ben and Chon, who decline her invitation. This causes O to be kidnapped by Elena’s enforcer, Lado portrayed by Benicio Del Toro (Traffic), who brings a menacing demeanor and look to his role. Earlier in the movie, Lado is shown dealing harshly with a cartel lawyer whose client went to prison. By knowing how lethal Lado is, it puts O in a more precarious situation when she is his prisoner.

There were moments where Stone seems to have been inspired by Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill, Vol. 1). Those inspired elements are the picture going from color to black and white a few times and his choice of music. One piece of music, “Psycho Killer” by Bruce Lash played after a scene where Lado talked to Elena about killing Chon and Ben. Del Toro has the look of a killer and is only slightly held in check by his boss. Stone made an excellent choice in music for this scene, which is a talent Tarantino has.

The movie is based on Don Winslow’s best-selling crime novel of the same name that was one of The New York Times’ Top 10 Books of 2010. Recently, Winslow released The Kings of Cool: A Prequel to Savages, which is available in paperback on Amazon for $16.50.

Stone fills Savages with intense and funny moments along with a few action scenes. All together the movie is an entertaining thrill ride.

Jun 13 2012

‘Dallas’ Proves that Southfork Still Sizzles

By Stacey Longo

TNT is bringing Dallas back to viewers June 13. The original series, which enjoyed a 14-year run, still maintains a legion of fans, which may be why TNT decided to bring the residents of Southfork ranch back to television. The new series sets up a rivalry between a new generation of Ewings—J.R.’s son, John Ross (John Henderson) and Bobby’s adopted son, Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe).

Back to embrace the roles that made them household names, Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy are back as brothers J.R. and Bobby Ewing, still fighting for control of Miss Ellie’s ranch. Other original cast members include Linda Gray as Sue Ellen, J.R.’s ex-wife and now a candidate for governor; Charlene Tilton as Lucy, offering advice to her cousin John Ross; and Ken Kercheval as the still-vindictive Cliff Barnes.

The series, however, focuses on John Ross and Christopher, who both have very different plans for Southfork—John Ross wants to drill for oil, while Christopher dreams of using proceeds from the ranch to fund his alternative energy research. But getting in the way of both men’s ambitions are their fathers.

True to character, Bobby is still struggling to do the right thing in the face of adversity. And J.R. is still as deliciously devious as ever, not caring who he screws over to gain control of Southfork once and for all. One of the highlights of the new series is watching J.R. vow to his brother that he has turned over a new leaf, while backstabbing everyone around him behind the scenes. Larry Hagman is as formidable as ever, showing why J.R. Ewing’s name is known even to those who never watched the original show. Patrick Duffy slips in to the role of Bobby with easy familiarity, and while we are told Pamela Ewing “disappeared” years ago, Brenda Strong fills her shoes as Ann, Bobby’s new, but equally supportive and loyal, wife.

Fans of the original series will delight in seeing familiar faces (not all of whom are mentioned here,) as well as the winks throughout to the original show. (When Bobby’s wife Ann points a gun at J.R., he purrs “Bullets don’t seem to have an effect on me, darlin’.”) Plus, it’s fun to see little John Ross and Christopher all grown up, engaged in their own power struggle.

For those who never watched the original series, the dynamic trio of J.R., Bobby, and Sue Ellen, as well as the love triangle between John Ross, Christopher, and Elena (Jordana Brewster) will hook them quickly. Throw in a wife for Christopher (Rebecca, portrayed by Julie Gonzalo) and a bid for Southfork by Cliff Barnes, and you have a version of Dallas that’s sure to please.

Tune in to TNT tonight from 9-11 p.m. to watch the premiere of Dallas.

Editor’s Note:

To read an article with two of the cast members, click here.

Apr 20 2012

The Experience of a Tool Concert

By David Price

I took my 16-year-old son, Devon, to his first concert last year. Personally, I’ve been to hundreds, so I wanted to introduce him to something that has meant so much to me for most of my life. My favorite band since the late nineties has been Tool. Back when we were still going on all the Cub and Boy Scout camping trips, a Tool CD would always be playing on the car stereo. It obviously rubbed off on him since he has turned into a loyal Tool fan as well. I wanted to make Tool his first concert, but there was one problem. Tool only releases new albums once every five years or so. This has led to speculation that there won’t be a new Tool album. Another issue is, since the last Tool album came out in 2006, Maynard James Keenan, their singer and frontman has become involved in several other projects, including two bands and, more recently, starting his own vineyard. Arguably, he probably doesn’t even need Tool anymore, although I am sure that is where his greatest success lies.

Last year, one of Maynard’s other projects, A Perfect Circle, came to the Boston area. Not knowing if my son would get the chance to ever see Tool, I purchased tickets and took Devon to his first concert at The Bank of America Pavilion, a great place to see a show. I never hesitate to get tickets for someone I wish to see if they are playing there.

We had a great time that night. We sat at “reserved” small tables that seat four. A married couple sat with us, and they were very nice to Devon and excited he was getting a chance to see his first concert. The husband even tried to convince my son that he was going to be a bigger fan of A Perfect Circle than of Tool by the time the show was over.

Devon knew nothing about A Perfect Circle before we went to the show, other than Maynard sang for them. He had never heard any of their music. By the time the show was over, though, he was a big fan, although the guy we sat with was reaching a little. He still loves Tool the most.

Along came December and I received an email alert from Live Nation that Tool tickets were going on sale that Saturday. This was a huge surprise to me. I had heard nothing about an upcoming tour, so I had to read the email several times then had to go to the Tool website before I believed it. I had thought maybe it was just a Tool cover band. It turned out that it was true, so I sat by the computer when tickets went on sale. This is a maddening experience. You search for tickets at the moment they go on sale. You get to choose how many and at what price range, then you have to type out some nonsense words to prove that you are a real person. Usually you are told there are no tickets available and have to refresh your web page several times before you finally get some. I was lucky enough to not have to suffer very long, and after just a couple refreshes, I nabbed three tickets for myself, my brother, and my son.

Having seen Tool a half a dozen times myself already, I knew this was going to be a completely different experience than A Perfect Circle. I had to prepare Devon for a Tool concert. I told him that, if it was anything like the previous ones I had attended; it would be very different from his first concert experience. Now, A Perfect Circle sounded great live, but there was no real stage show to speak of. They just stood up there and played. At the other Tool shows I have seen, they had a lot going on. There have always been intense light shows, and weird videos playing along with their songs. One year they even had two people in skintight body suits hanging suspended over the stage and doing some kind of bizarre air ballet. Devon needed to be ready for the strange and unusual at Tool’s show.

Maynard and his pals did not disappoint me. We had a straight on view of the stage where we were seated. It was perfect for viewing one of the most elaborate laser and light shows I have seen in a long time. There were large video screens behind the stage that showed images of angels, giant eyes, swirling spirals, grasping hands and many other religious, magical and profane symbols. At times, it was just like looking into a giant kaleidoscope. The dazzling lights, brilliant lasers and disturbing images induced a kind of hypnotic feeling. The only other band I can think of that achieves a similar live effect is Pink Floyd, the most psychedelic act I have ever seen.

The problem with seeing Tool is that you are never going to see them play all of your favorites on any given night. The average length of one of their songs is probably seven minutes, with several pushing ten or eleven minutes. That being said, they still did a great job of playing many of their favorites like “Stinkfist,” “Aenema,” “Schism,” and “Lateralus,” as well as mixing in a couple deeper tracks, like “Pushit.” In a weird way, I find Tool’s music meditative. It’s easy to get lost in it, and I am sure many Tool fans would agree.

You can’t please all of the people all of the time, though. My son would have liked to have heard one of his favorite songs, “Right in Two.” I missed “Rosetta Stoned” and I know my brother wanted to hear “Eulogy.” That’s the beauty of Tool, though. The last album, I saw them on three different legs of the tour. Each time they had a different setlist, so if you wanted to hear everything, you just had to go a few times. As far as I’m concerned, it was well worth it. I have never left a Tool show disappointed, except for the fact that it was over too soon. There is supposedly going to be a new album. If that is true, then I believe this was sort of a getting to know each other again sort of mini tour for the band members. Gloriously, a new album will follow and I assume a much larger supporting tour. Wonder how many more times we will see Tool in the near future? As many as possible.

Jason Harris Promotions

Category Review

Hordes of Humping Zombies in ‘Mourning Wood’