Life Lessons from Southfork

by Stacey Longo

I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve watched the new Dallas series. In fact, I got a sneak peek of the first seven episodes and wrote a review of the show (read it here!) See, my sister made me watch the old Dallas when I was about nine years old, and she must have made me keep watching it up until I was 18 and it went off the air. Seeing my old friends Bobby, Lucy, Ray, Sue Ellen, and J.R. on the new show made me realize how much I’ve missed them. So many of the life lessons I abide by today came from watching Dallas. For instance …

1. If you’re going to shoot someone, make sure they’re dead when you’re finished.

2. Sure, you can use your pretty face to marry money, but deep down, you’ll always be Digger Barnes’s daughter.

3. That little old lady may look sweet, but you don’t know if she’s bludgeoned her husband to death with a frozen leg of lamb, then cooked it up and served it to the police investigating the crime. (Wait. That might be a life lesson from Alfred Hitchcock.)

4. Don’t sleep with the hired help. That hot ranch hand might turn out to be your uncle.

5. It’s probably not a good idea to start getting drunk at 8 AM. But since I’m not married to J.R. Ewing, who am I to judge?

6. Sometimes, when you think your life has turned to crap, it actually all turns out to be a bad dream.

So take it from me: tune in to the latest antics of J.R., Bobby, and Sue Ellen. You just might learn something useful!

Life lesson number seven: there’s something to be said for keeping up with your eyebrow plucking.

Editor’s Note:

This entry originally appeared on author Stacey Longo’s website.