Stacey Longo Enjoys Ron Jeremy’s ‘One-Eyed Monster’

By Stacey Longo

One-eyed monsterONE-EYED MONSTER (2008, Liberation Entertainment) is the tale of an alien that comes to Earth to possess porn star Ron Jeremy’s penis and seed the Earth. If that statement didn’t make you giggle at least a little bit, then this movie might not be for you.

A delightful horror/comedy romp, this B-movie stars Amber Benson, Veronica Hart, and Charles Napier, with Ron Jeremy as himself. The film opens with a group heading off to the mountains to film an adult movie. Jeremy laments that he’s not in shape anymore, and Hart (also playing herself) is upset that she just might be too old to be in porn, despite her impressive Kegel muscles. However, these concerns take a back seat when Jeremy’s penis is possessed by an alien and detaches itself, only to set off on a murderous rampage.

The beauty of this movie is that the characters know the plotline is ridiculous. They’re stunned and incredulous that Ron Jeremy’s penis is hunting them down, one by one. The director made a wise choice in not showing the menacing member for three-quarters of the movie, which results in a heightened sense of suspense—a technique used effectively by Steven Spielberg in JAWS and replicated here.

Ron Jeremy of One-Eyed Monster.

Ron Jeremy of One-Eyed Monster. Photo by Jason Harris.

Notable performances include Jason Graham as Jonah, who is quick to accept that yes, a possessed penis is what they’re fighting here, and it’s a serious matter. Add to this Napier’s slightly crazed Vietnam vet, who has seen this kind of thing once before. His speech about the penis in ‘Nam that wiped out his whole platoon would come across as silly and trite if not for Napier’s ability to deliver it like a man who has seriously been traumatized by these events that “boot camp never prepared me for.”

Our heroes try to trap the murderous member, but their first attempt fails, and the survivors race to a radio tower to try and get help. Veronica Hart regains consciousness at this point (she’d been knocked into unconsciousness when Ron’s penis first attacked during their sex scene) and tries to catch up on the action.

Veronica: “Who’s in me?”

It is Veronica, and her fabulous Kegel muscles, that eventually save the day.

This movie is not for the faint of heart, young children, or your mother. Overall, it’s fun, chock-full of one-liners and laughs, and definitely worth watching. Check out the DVD extras for a fabulous five-minute mockumentary on the movie’s special effects for one last laugh after the film ends. ONE-EYED MONSTER is a must-see for all “so bad it’s good” movie fans.

Editor’s Note:

This review originally appeared on the Cinema Knife Fight website. You can see it by clicking here.

Author Stacey Longo Talks Writing and the Habits of a Writer

by Jason Harris

Author Stacey Longo spoke to an attentive audience at the Douglas Library in Hebron, CT on Wednesday night about being a successful writer. Longo knows what she is talking about since she has sold over 20 stories and has been in over a dozen anthologies. She also has published a children’s book, Pookie and the Lost and Found Friend, and a collection of 12 tales, Secret Things,which was released in October. Along with writing, she is also an editor with a number of successful edited books including Wicked Seasons: The Journal of New England Horror Writers, Volume II.2013-12-11 08.41.01

Before she began her horror writing career in 2010, she was selling articles to newspapers and magazine such as The Island Crier and The Works. She was also a humor columnist for the Block Island Times. She has also just been hired to review B horror movies for the Cinema Knife Fight website.

The habits of a successful writer include writing a lot, Longo said. A writer should be setting realistic deadlines and goals. If these deadlines and goals are not realistic, you will just be defeating yourself and setting yourself up to fail. Stephen King writes 10 pages a day. Ernest Hemingway wrote 500 words a day.

“Thomas Harris took 10 years to write the sequel to Silence of the Lambs. Robert James Waller wrote The Bridges of Madison County in 6 weeks. Both were NY Times bestsellers.”

One shouldn’t use Harris as an excuse not to write every day or at least a few days a week, she said.

Stacey Longo talking to a crowd interested in writing.

Stacey Longo talking to a crowd interested in writing.

A writer should even read more than they are writing. Reading is always good, but it should be well-written book,s not poorly-written books such as the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer, she said. There are two books every writer should read. They are The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White and On Writing by King. A writer needs to know the rules of writing before choosing to break those rules.

If you want to write, you should seek out workshops, conventions, and writers’ groups so as to meet other writers. Longo states that writing is a lonely profession and meeting fellow writers is always a good thing. Other writers can help you or you may be able help them with editing, a potential market, or even with a story problem. “The best way to learn about the craft of writing is to talk to others who have been successful at it.”

Longo met Ken Wood, publisher of Shock Totem, in 2009 at the Northeastern Writer’s Conference (NECON). In 2011, he asked her to write-up an anecdote she had told him about her father so it could be printed in the magazine’s holiday issue.

When it comes to editing, it’s very important to Longo. Everyone needs to learn the basics of sentence structure, grammar, punctuation, and verb tenses. If you can do these things in your story, you won’t do it in a query letter, which will lead to no agents or publishers reading your story. This is where your fellow writers or your writer’s group comes in handy. Let them read your first draft and listen to their suggestions. Your first draft isn’t going to be publishable.

“No book on the shelves today is still in the original draft form that the writer first wrote. Everything needs editing,” Longo said.2013-12-11 08.39.49

Another important fact for a writer to learn is the need to be prepared for rejection because the publishing world is all subjective, Longo said. One publisher may reject a story while the another one will accept it.

For more information about Stacey Longo, click here.

NecronomiCon Returned to Providence this Past Weekend

by Jason Harris

2013-08-24 06.55.52It has been a number of years since the city of Providence has celebrated the life and work of H.P. Lovecraft with the convention, NecronomiCon. It was expected to have about 1200 people attend, convention director Niels Hobbs said. The convention ran from Thursday, August 22, through Sunday, August 25 and took place at the Providence Biltmore.2013-08-23 20.21.27

Putting on a convention is a huge undertaking and the organizers did a great job. The only noticeable problem was the program wasn’t available at the start of the convention. They arrived a few hours later. The printer should have had them delivered at the beginning of the month, a volunteer at the registration table said.

The registration table.

The registration table.

The convention was spread throughout Providence at eight different locations, Hobbs said. There were art shows, gaming, and movies being shown. There were events of all types for Lovecraft fans. There were also panels and readings throughout the weekend.

The Cinematic Lovecraft panel

The Cinematic Lovecraft panel

Author Alan Dean Foster

Author Alan Dean Foster

There were also a lot of vendors on the registration floor and on the 18th floor of the Biltmore. Vendors included publishers, writer organizations, and artists.

Sam Merritt and Mark Marine of Double Vision Embroidery.

Sam Merritt and Mark Marine of Double Vision Embroidery.

You can check out the Double Vision Embroidery Facebook page here.

Sculptor Larry Elig

Sculptor Larry Elig

You can check out Elig’s work here.

H.P. Lovecraft

H.P. Lovecraft

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A part of the New England Horror Writers' table.

A part of the New England Horror Writers’ table.

You can check out the New England Horror Writers (NEHW) here.

The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society's table.

The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society’s table.

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The TempleCon table.

Cinema Knife FIght writer Barry Dejesu holding a Crocheted Cthulhus from the NEHW table.

Cinema Knife FIght writer Barry Dejasu holding a Crocheted Cthulhus from the NEHW table.

Authors David Cassenti and Laura Hickman behind the NEHW table.

Authors David Cassenti and Laura Hickman behind the NEHW table.

The Tandy Leather Factory table.

The Tandy Leather Factory table.

The Tandy Leather Factory is located in East Hartford, Connecticut. Check them out here.2013-08-23 23.45.06

The Hippocampus Press table.

The Hippocampus Press table.

The offerings at the NEHW table.

The offerings at the NEHW table.

The Fedogan & Bremer Publishing table

The Fedogan & Bremer Publishing table

The Catalyse Studios table

The Catalyse Studios table

A.S. Koi is a writer, painter, writer, and owner of Catalyse Studios. Her first book, Tribes of Heaven: Honor & Sacrifice, took Koi 15 years to complete it, she said. She has three planned in the series, but it will probably be four since that’s what is needed for the proper conclusion of the story. The second book in the series will be released in January of 2014.

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Joe Broers Miskatonic Valley Ravenswood Studios.

Joe Broers Miskatonic Valley Ravenswood Studios.

Joe Broers' products.

Joe Broers’ products.

You can check out Broers other sculptures here.

The Cryptocurium table.

The Cryptocurium table.

You can check out the Cryptocurium merchandise here.

NEHW members Barry Dejasu and Scott Goudsward (both standing) and Laura Hickman and Jan Kozlowski (both sitting) at the NEHW table.

NEHW members Barry Dejasu and Scott Goudsward (both standing) and Laura Hickman and Jan Kozlowski (both sitting) at the NEHW table.

If you missed this year’s convention, there will be one in 2015. Stay tuned to it’s website for information.

Author Reading at The Brown University Bookstore

Author and New England Horror Writer member Paul Tremblay will be reading from his newest novel, Swallowing a Donkey’s Eye, this Wednesday at the Brown University Bookstore.

Tremblay’ Swallowing a Donkey’s Eye was published last month by Chizine Publications. According to Cinema Knife Fight writer Barry Lee Dejasu, who also works in customer service at the Brown University Bookstore,  describes Tremblay’s book as a “strange, dystopian novel, [where] a man fulfilling his six-year time at Farm learns that his mother has dropped out of contact back in City and he begins a personal journey to try and find out just what happened to her.”

According to Amazon, “join Farm today! It’s only six years of your life! Farm is the mega-conglomerate food supplier for City, populated with rabidly bureaucratic superiors, antagonistic and sexually deviant tour guides dressed in chicken and duck suits, and farm animals illegally engineered for silence. City is sprawling, technocratic, and rests hundreds of feet above the coastline on the creaking shoulders of a giant wooden pier. When the narrator’s single mother, whom he left behind in City, falls out of contact, he fears the worst: his mother is homeless and subsequently to be deported under City to the Pier. On his desperate search to find his mother, he encounters ecoterrorists wearing plush animal suits, an election that hangs in the balance as the City’s all-powerful Mayor is infatuated with magic refrigerators and outlaw campaigns, and a wise-cracking, over-sexed priest who may or may not have ESP, but who is most certainly his deadbeat dad. Whether rebelling against the regimented and ridiculous nature of Farm life, exploring the all-too-familiar and consumer-obsessed world of City, experiencing the all-too-real suffering of the homeless in Pier, or confronting the secrets of his own childhood, Swallowing a Donkey’s Eye’s narrator is a hilarious, neurotic, and rage-filled Quixote searching for his mother, his own dignity, and the meaning of humanity.”

Tremblay, who lives outside of Boston, is the author of the novels The Little Sleep and No Sleep Till Wonderland. He has also authored the short story collections Compositions for the Young and Old and In the Mean Time, two novellas, and his essays and short fiction have appeared in the Los Angeles Times,  Five Chapters.com, and Best American Fantasy 3. He is the co-editor of four anthologies including Creatures: Thirty Years of Monster Stories (with John Langan).

Check out Tremblay’s website by clicking here.

The reading starts at 5:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Sept. 12, at The Brown University Bookstore, which is located at 244 Thayer Street in Providence, RI  02912. The store’s phone number is  (401) 863-3168 if you have any questions.